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SELF >> What it means to be sexual

What it means to be sexual

Many cultures in the world have stigmatized sexuality. Sex is often consider as a shameful thing, therefore seldom discussed openly and critically about. The topic of homosexuality is further undermined by the stereotypical disgust people have towards it. Gays and lesbians are often looked at as the stigma of stigmas.

An honest look at sexuality reveals that the stigmas attached to it are unnecessary. In fact, healthy and responsible sexual conduct can be better understood through such discussions. Sexuality is only bad if it is handled badly. Like how we all have connection to food, we all have some connection to sex, it is the way God has made us. Our job is to be responsible, not to avoid.

For gay Christians, you must understand and realize this: it is not your fault for being who you are. It doesn't matter how you sexuality came about, it is yours because God gave it to you, and you have the right and obligation to maintain your wellness whatever your sexual orientation is.

"Sexuality is a lifelong process involving feeling, fantasies, and behaviors that promotes an adaptive, pleasurable, and competent use of your body to experience affection and intimacy and to build personal identity...Sexuality involves consideration of health, personal safety, politics, ethics, law and question regarding the meaning of life."
- From the book: Intimacy between men, Driggs/Finn

This definition brings out a very important concept: sexuality is a life long affair with you own self, it is a process that is as complex and as long as you life is; sexuality is more than just sex, it is about being responsible with your bodily and emotional needs and sensations.

Sex is never an emergency. We have sexual desires since puberty, and for most healthy people, such desires will last as long as they live (at different degree, of course). Everybody learn to manage their sexual needs somehow. It is not easy to manage these needs, since our sexuality is closely linked to our emotional needs. Please realize that sex does not mean happiness. Your happiness depend on how you manage you sexuality, not how much sex you have.

Being single can be a very healthy sexual thing. The fact that one is aware of his or her "singleness" means that they are conscious as a sexual being. Knowing and taking the ownership of your sexual needs is the best tool in managing your sexuality. Simply because you are single, does not mean you cannot have fun. It is your body, God gave it to you, which mean you have the responsibility to maintain it: dietarily, actively, and sensationally. In short, no body cares what you do behind closed door with yourself (hint). Enjoy and respect your body, even if you are alone. Thanks to God's gift of individuality, you alone can control your sexuality.

Socially and emotionally speaking, celibacy can be healthy for one's sexuality because it provides: time for individual development, developing friendships, reflect on past relationships, recharge for the next challenging relationship, and putting yourself in perspective (you don't have to be involve with someone to be happy and well), knowing celibacy can be a good life style for you, don't rule it out of your option. Being single is not the same as being doomed in eternal loneliness. Appreciate it, use the time and freedom it gives you.

One needs not separate sex and spirituality in light of the traditional separation of body and soul. God created the body as part of his beautiful creation, we gain our knowledge and experience through our physical existence. Our knowledge and experience and sensation shaped who we are as a spiritual beings. The physical resurrection of Jesus Christ demonstrated the significance of the body as part of our identity. The relationship between soul, body, and mind are much more entwined than most people perceived it to be.

Gay relationships can be beautiful, stable, and spiritually fulfilling. "There are estimated 2.5 million gay couples in the US, a lot of them enjoyed a relationship that are over 30 years old. Most of them chose to remain unseen by the society for their relationship and safety sake." (Driggs/Finn) Many of them also withdraw because they find involving in the gay community tiresome for always being "the role model". A lot of such couples may also be disappointed about how the mainstream gay culture has become too sexually focused; they value a holistic approach to life, not just sex. When God created Eve for Adam, the reason was "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitalble for him"(Genesis 2:18). The essence of sexual relationship is lifelong, spiritual companionship. Please don't reduce God's intend of spiritual partnership to the reproductive compatibility only between man and woman.

There are a lot of negative comments and images regarding gay people out there. Realize that there is an innocent gay man (or lesbian woman) underneath all of our cynicism and disappointment. You are not evil for being gay, you are only evil for being irresponsible and destructive. Know that your goodness is within, and listen to it, be thankful for it, for God have placed it in you.

Remember that you are worthy simply because God made you. Do not let any negative thoughts to convince you that good personal challenge is not meant for you. You can be a good example of a happy, loving gay child of Christ. Seek, and you shall find.